Can somebody please help me!!!!!?

This is my story... im 19 years old, i was born in Colombia and from the day i was born my life has been a disaster, as i was told when my mom gave birth to me one week later she abandoned me and left me with my father alone. When i was 3 my father had the opportunity to move out to United States for a better future for me,i dont even look spanish im 5�11, white skin,brown hair and blue eyes. i was raised in the states, i went to school and i graduated from high school 2 years ago. But my father never cleared up our permanence in the states as legal residents and i had no clue about it till October 13th 2006 when 2 homeland security agents walked into our house and said, you are illegal aliens grab your pports you�re going back home! i said home? this is my home! he said, well apparently to homeland security you�re not LETS GO! and so we were sent back �HOME� we lost everything we had, the apartment we lived in was ours but it was not fully paid for, and the car was a lease, we were left with NOTHING in a country that i didn't even remembered because i was 3 when my dad took me to the states now i was 18. We had nothing, no family no nothing but 4.000$ dollars that my dad was able to pick up at a atm in the homeland security building in miami. I didn't even speak spanish just my father did. The 4000 dollars that we had left lasted us for about 2 months, than my dad had to get a job as a deliveryman and from there on i started taking spanish lessons and so we sorta went on with our lives even tho we were broken and depressed after that but we went on! but my father was so depressed that for him only alcohol would cure his wounds and bacame an alcoholic and died of cirrhosis on october 14th 2008 exactly 2 years and 1 day after that happening. He was all i had left and now my life is even more misserable! 3 months before he died i met a girl and fell in love with her, im still with her and shes the only reason i havent taken my life away. Im trying to go on just for her, i work in a supermarket washing fruits and vegetables making 420.000 pesos that equals 200 us dollars a month but i feel like i cant go on anymore, im broken, sad, desperate, depressed i dont know how to explain this feeling. How could they have done this to me? to my father? he was a good man, a hard worker, i was a good student, a good son. But now theres nothing i can do, i wish death upon me but im too coward to take my own life away, im afraid, maybe i dont wanna die but what alse can i do? i wish the whole world could hear me out, But i still have hope theres someone out there that can help me in any way. Please some one!!!